I was married and then divorced, and we both pat ourselves on the back for remaining friends, and co parenting as best we can. We are lucky to have happy well adjusted kids. And then I met someone else......
I won't bore you with all the gory details, but 2 years later I found myself heartbroken, hopeless and pregnant. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to manage. How to start again from scratch after losing every belonging I had ever had. In all honesty I felt very lost and very afraid. And then I had my daughter. I call her my amazing Gracie, because that's what she is. She's amazing.
Born at 840 grams, she has fought more battles in her 21 months than most of us will in our lifetime. It took 16 minutes to resuscitate her when she was born, and I feared the worst. I said goodbye to my tiny girl several times, but every single time she pulled through. She has taught me resilience, and strength that I've never known. She's is my very own, very tiny super hero.
Yes I'm a single mummy. To 5 gorgeous, infuriating, funny, loving, loud, exhausting, beautiful children. Yes I've clawed (literally) out of a horrible situation, into one that brings me so much joy, so much satisfaction, so much frustration, many tears both happy and sad, and so much love. I am as sleep deprived as I can get - I have googled 'what to do when you feel like lack of sleep might kill you.' I fantasise about sleeping all night in bed alone, or with George Clooney :)
Having Gracie has brought my gorgeous brood so much closer. We look at her and feel blessed. Lucky. We still cry when we talk about those first weeks. With despair as much as gratitude. She has taught us how to not take each other for granted, to appreciate the little things as much as the big. That strength has nothing to do with size.
How is my life, imperfect as it might be, not a fairytale?
My most surprising find since she was born was finding The Daisy Foundation Lanarkshire a group of women, all from different backgrounds, all with different stories, supporting one another, be it at 3am when there's always someone else up who could cry from exhaustion, to funny anecdotes, and sometimes prayers when a baby or mummy isn't well. It's a haven. Really.
My happy ending might not be what I had imagined it would be, but happy it is. Happy we are!