The crazy mix of emotions was just the same as the first time though. I felt 15. (I am 36.) I can't be responsible or wise enough to have a baby. Probably because I feel I am still just winging this mummy thing almost three years from my first surprise arrival!
His birth and 'finding daisy' was incredibly life changing for me. So much so I now teach the classes that gave me confidence to trust in my body to grow and birth a baby and the security to know I could be a good mummy with hundreds of women at my back. Perhaps we are all just winging it!!
After an initial scare, a trip to my doctors and early pregnancy unit for an early scan, its still sinking in. I am having another baby.
Cuddling my toddler, I said mummy has a baby in her tummy! Then I said' but you are mummy's baby', tears blinding me. What a crazy mix of emotions - yip, here come the hormones again! You see this time I will re-living every word said in my classes, I will again feel nervous, excited, terrified, guilty, overwhelmed, worried, happy, angry, ecstatic, blessed - lets just say emotional.
You see I get it. I get that its normal to feel a bit crazy. I get the fear of walking in to a room of strangers hoping you somehow fit in or connect with someone else. I get the importance of not feeling judged because you are younger, older, surprise baby, ivf, unmarried, first time, second time, third time mummy (cause you should know it all right?), single parent, lesbian, work in the medical profession (again you should be an expert!) This time I really get it. The second those blue lines appear, you join a club, a mummy club where only other club members are really gonna understand you. So I will teach with understanding, with total empathy to the crazy hormones, the discomfort, the exhaustion. I can tell the shy mums from the loud ones, those who can't wait to chat and those who wish I would skip them. Now more than ever, I am really in it with the pregnant mums. So 2016, year I become a mummy of two.... bring it on.
Till the next time....